


He's A Monster

by Mrgoodbar



Series: Promise Me Forever [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cap v. Steve, Guilt, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, POV Third Person, Regret, Sad, Sadness, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 14:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrgoodbar/pseuds/Mrgoodbar
Summary: Natasha Romanoff, a master of espionage, had a tremble in her voice that she couldn’t cover.ORTony's side of the story.





	He's A Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aylien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aylien/gifts).



> Hi, Everyone!
> 
> This is for [Aylien](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Aylien) because they commented on the last one wondering what Tony's side of the story was, so I had to gift it to them. 
> 
> If you're reading this, thanks, and I'm sorry. This is pretty sad, but you did click on it. I recommend reading the first one, [Here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10875351). I also recommend reading the [one before this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10984620) as well. You don't have too, but I think it will make reading this one better.
> 
> If there are any Captain America writers out there in search of a beta, go check out [Cap Beta Finders](https://capbetafinders.tumblr.com). (Psst, I'm on it.) There are some really great betas over there. Also, if you're a beta, you can go over there and fill out the submission form and be on the list. It's super easy.
> 
> Criticism always welcome, but keep it nice. Thanks for clicking, :)

He killed Captain America. 

Not directly, of course. He wasn’t brave or strong enough to kill the Captain. 

No, he had killed Captain America indirectly but taking the only piece of Steve that Cap had left. 

He killed Sergeant Bucky Barnes and by extension, he killed Steve Rogers aka the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan, Captain America. 

He killed Captain America; his teammate, his leader and he dare say it, his friend, even if they hadn’t ended on good terms. 

He had been at the old Avengers Compound when he’d received the call. 

It had been about two weeks since the media dubbed ‘Civil War’ and since Tony received Cap’s letter and mobile phone. Tony hadn’t seen, let alone heard, from most of the Avengers in weeks. So when FRIDAY announced he had a phone call, he assumed it was Rhodey and maybe, hoped it’d be Pepper. He smiled. 

It came as an even bigger surprise when Tony actually answered the phone. 

“Speak?” He answered cockily. 

“Stark.” His smile fell from his face like it was made of water. 

It was Natasha. But that wasn’t what made him stop. It was her voice. There was a small tremble. 

Natasha Romanoff, a master of espionage, had a tremble in her voice that she couldn’t cover. 

His heart stopped for a small moment. Natasha starting speaking again. 

“Cap- Steve-” she sobbed loudly. “He’s gone. He’s gone. Sam and I,” she paused for a moment, breathing deeply. “We found him this morning.” 

His heart stopped beating. 

In Siberia, he had no thoughts. 

It was only to kill. 

He had to kill the man- the murder- who took away his mom. 

He killed The Winter Soldier. 

What he neglected to realize in his rage-induced fit was that The Winter Soldier was a man. He was a man named James Buchanan Barnes and he was tortured, manipulated and brainwashed for seventy years. 

He had no choice, he had no thoughts. He wasn’t allowed. 

He was man broken beyond repair, he was a man who trying to find himself and deal with the innocent he killed in cold blood. 

_ “Do you remember them?”  _

He was a man who tried to save himself. 

And Tony had killed him. 

Tony couldn’t sleep at night. Many words echoed in his mind on an endless loop. 

_ “ ‘Til the end of the line.”  _

_ “Tony, NO!”  _

_ “I remember all of them.”  _

_ “I was supposed to die first, not you. You weren’t supposed to die yet.”  _

_ “Go! Get out of here!”  _

_ “It wasn’t his fault, Tony. Hydra had control of his mind.”  _

Night after night, day after day, he was plagued with visions of Bucky. It wasn’t until after he killed him that he sat down and read the file. 

Images of Bucky strapped to a metal table, Bucky strapped in a chair, Bucky looking dead lying in the center of a cell naked, Bucky cowering on the floor wringing wet, Bucky this, Bucky that, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. 

He’d always thought of the man who killed his parents, his innocent parents, as a monster, a cold-hearted monster. He didn’t want to kill innocent people. He would never be like the monster who killed his mom. 

But, he’s just like him. 

He killed an innocent man who was trying to start over with his life, take it back into his own hands. He was trying to remove Hydra from his mind. He was an innocent man trying to get himself back. 

Tony was a monster. 

And now… 

Not only did he kill the Great Sergeant Barnes, but he also killed Captain America. 

How was he not a monster? 

The shame, the regret, the guilt hung in his mind. It was a thick cloud and that made it hard to see through sometimes. 

Guilt wasn't new to him. It was an emotion he became accustomed too. 

And he’d cope with this more intense guilt in the best way he knew how. 

He’d ignore it. 

That would work. 

He would just ignore it until it went away. 

He’d be fine. 

\--- 

Tony was at the funeral. But something wasn’t right. It was too dark and he stood at the back. Everyone was in front of him.

Then, he was alone. In the blink of an eye, he went from being at Steve’s funeral to standing alone in a black abyss. 

He turned in a circle only to stop dead at what was behind him. 

It was Steve. But at the same time, it wasn’t him. 

There was blood seeping into his clothes and his eyes were red. 

And he looked angry. 

“Do you see what you did, Tony?” Steve said aggressively gesturing to the blood. “You did this to me! You killed me, Tony. It’s all your fault.” 

Steve began screaming. 

“Can’t you see what you’ve done? You took away the only family I had left. You took him and then you killed me after. You made me watch him die. Again!” 

Steve’s screams were turning into sobs. 

“You killed him. You murdered him. I’m alone now.” 

Steve stopped for a moment and just sobbed. 

“You killed me, Tony. Nothing you do can fix it.” 

Tony woke up, an echo of a scream on his lips, the night before Steve’s funeral date. 

\---

Tony had almost been feeling like his normal self, but then the funeral came. 

The guilt came back tenfold when he read the letter. 

_... I am no longer a person. I’m a shell of what I used to be... I can’t describe what it’s like to watch the love of your life killed before your own eyes twice… This is my suicide note… It’s the end of the line for me… It’s about time I got off…  _

His tears fell to the paper and made the writing smudge a little in some places. 

What had he done? 

\---

It was three days after the funeral, and Tony found himself in the Brooklyn graveyard where Bucky and Steve rest. 

He found himself kneeling in front of the plain headstone keening and breathing hard. 

“I’m so sorry, Cap,” he sobbed breathlessly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to die.” 

Thick streams of tears rolled down his cheeks relentlessly. 

“I’m sorry.” 

When he finally managed to calm himself down and stop crying he got up and left. He didn’t look back. 

But, he came back the next day. 

And the next. 

And the next. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> Come say Hi on [Tumblr](https://mrgoodbar11213.tumblr.com)!


End file.
